Steve Pemberton is a senior Human Resources executive, who has held key leadership roles at big name companies like Monster.com and Walgreens, a bestselling author, human rights advocate and a motivational speaker. But before that, he was a little boy child services identified as “having no chance in this world.”
Pemberton, who was the keynote presenter at the 27th Annual Speaking of Women Luncheon at The Waterview in Monroe Tuesday afternoon, shared his story of overcoming abuse and navigating through the foster care system.
“My biggest wish as a young boy was to find my family and I did,” he said as a photo of him with his wife Tonya and their three grown children appeared onscreen. Of his children, Pemberton added, “a mother and father was denied to me. It was not denied to them.”
While growing up, Pemberton said he always tried to insert himself into other families. He praised The Center for Family Justice’s family of supporters. CFJ, a nonprofit providing free and confidential services to victims of domestic and sexual violence and child abuse, organized the event.
“I thank you and I celebrate you,” Pemberton said.
Community and business leaders, members of law enforcement and volunteers joined CFJ’s executives, board members and staff in solidarity with the goal of ending abuse.
Anna Zap, co-host of the nationally syndicated, “Anna & Raven Show” on Star 99.9, was the master of ceremonies, and Marge Hiller was recognized as the 2024 Speaking of Women Distinguished Honoree recipient.
CFJ serves residents in Monroe, Easton, Trumbull, Bridgeport, Fairfield and Stratford.
Among Monroe’s representatives were First Selectman Terry Rooney, Police Chief Keith White and Superintendent of Schools Joseph Kobza. Rooney introduced Debra Greenwood, the nonprofit’s president and CEO.
He called for a moment of silence for victims of the floods of Aug. 18 and spoke of how municipalities, state and federal governments and neighbors are helping each other to rebuild, much like how CFJ helps victims of abuse to rebuild their lives.
Since being elected as Monroe’s first selectman, Rooney said he learned more about what CFJ does and found it inspiring. He praised Greenwood for being “365 days a year and 24/7” in dedicating her time to helping those in need.
Greenwood said no one will ever be denied the free and confidential services CFJ offers. She said the center serves about 5,500 individuals per year, adding many have children who are also affected and need help themselves.
“It is not getting easier,” she said. “It is getting more difficult.”
Greenwood asked for a moment of silence for a woman killed by her abuser on Monday night, when a young child was in the car with her. Greenwood said a restraining order did not stop the perpetrator. It was the 29th domestic violence homicide this year.
But Greenwood also shared some good news. In addition to providing prevention programs, pro bono legal assistance, counseling, Camp HOPE America and 24/7 hotlines, CFJ recently opened Patti’s Place, an 11,000-square-foot domestic violence shelter for victims to stay, often with their children, while safely taking steps to rebuild their lives.
“We did it,” Greenwood said of the project. “It’s three times bigger than what we currently have.”
CFJ is now raising money to build a safe kennel on the property, so victims fleeing abuse do not have to leave their pets behind.
“We will continue to expand our presence in the schools,” Greenwood said, praising the cooperation of member towns who allow prevention educators into their schools.
She thanked the Masarek family and M&T Bank for their many years of support of the center’s mission, as well as all of the other sponsors, staff, board of directors, volunteers, municipal leaders, educators and police departments.
Greenwood showed the video, “We are CFJ” about The Center for Family Justice and its programs. It was produced by Firelight Media.
A Monroe father gets involved
Among Tuesday’s speakers was secretary of CFJ’s board of directors, Scott Redfern, of Monroe, who talked about the importance of mentorship.
“I am the brother of a domestic violence survivor and father of a sexual violence survivor,” Redfern said from the podium.
Redfern’s voice cracked with emotion when recalling the phone call he and his wife received from their daughter about her sexual assault.
“I was angry,” he said. “I was angry that I couldn’t protect my daughter.”
Redfern thought of how they prepped their daughter for college, telling her things like “stay close to your friends” and “don’t walk alone at night.”
“I realized we’re teaching our daughters how not to get raped,” Redfern said. “But we need to teach our sons the difference between toxic masculinity and healthy masculinity.”
Rather than stew in his anger, Redfern decided to take positive steps to educate young men. He participated in CFJ’s annual Walk a Mile in Her Shoes, an event in Fairfield that brings men and boys together with women and girls to take a stand against domestic violence.
Redfern also became a longstanding leader in the White Ribbon Campaign, which is a pledge asking men to “never commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women and girls.”
The campaign started an annual breakfast called Speaking with Men. “It’s so important for us to be role models to young men,” Redfern said.
Redfern wants to instill three values in young men:
- There is a big difference between toxic masculinity and healthy masculinity.
- Always respect your partner and …
- Lifting women up, giving them a voice. “We need to, as men, share our privilege with them,” Redfern said.
Aside from providing financial support for CFJ, Redfern encourages people to become mentors for young people.
Gary MacNamara, a retired police chief who is also a member of CFJ’s Board of Directors, chairs the White Ribbon Campaign.
He talked about the recent floods, in which some people lost their lives, were injured, traumatized and incurred property damage that hurt their finances. The floods were not supposed to happen and people rallied to help each other, MacNamara said.
“Well, isn’t that what we’re talking about today?” MacNamara asked. “Domestic and sexual violence is not supposed to happen. Shouldn’t we gather together?”
He said if he called other men to get chainsaws and some rope to repair bridges in response to the recent flood, it would be easy to get support. But added it is not as easy to rally support to stop abuse of women, and some men.
“Use your voice and get people involved with this mission, because it matters,” MacNamara said.
‘The Lighthouse Effect’
One night, Pemberton read his son, Quinn, his favorite book, “The Lion & the Mouse”, before bed, when the six-year-old asked him a serious question he knew he would eventually have to face: “Daddy, do you have a daddy?”
His answers inevitably led to more questions from Quinn, his brother and his sister. It sparked Pemberton’s idea to write his first book, so his children knew his story.
“A Chance in the World” chronicled his journey as an orphan and an independent film about it by the same name was released in 2018.
Pemberton accessed his huge file from Social Services in Bethel, Mass., and did his research.
He was born as Stephen Klakowicz in New Bedford, Mass., and his mother, who struggled with alcoholism, died at age 40. His father was an African-American boxing champion who was murdered at age 26.
Both of Pemberton’s parents had difficult upbringings and his father had also become an orphan. Pemberton’s mother had to give him up at a young age and he was in and out of foster homes for most of his childhood.
The odds were stacked against Pemberton, but he would go on to lead a successful life. Aside from his own grit and determination, he said he is an exception because of the “lighthouses” in the community, seemingly ordinary people who lit the way for him.
Pemberton’s second book, “The Lighthouse Effect”, highlights the three people who were his “human lighthouses” guiding him to safe harbors in life, and told how readers could become lighthouses for others.
“It’s not there to help us navigate the sea, it’s there to help us navigate humanity,” he said.
The Book Angel
Pemberton survived all kinds of abuse. “One of my superpowers as a young boy is I loved to read,” he said. “I did then and I do now.”
He said the first lighthouse in his life was a woman who saw him reading and asked why he kept reading the same book.
“I couldn’t tell her my family only let me have one book,” Pemberton said, recalling how he had to be careful what he told people.
“I make eye contact and maybe you see what’s happening to me without me saying a word,” he said. “She said, ‘I see you,’ and went on with her day.”
The woman came to Pemberton’s foster home and asked for him by name. She stood in the hallway with a box of books, filled to the top. His “Book Angel” continued to bring him books for over a year.
“Only an angel would keep bringing books,” he said.
Pemberton did not know her name at the time, but after his book became a bestseller, fans tracked Claire Levin down.
He asked her the question that nagged at him over the years: Why did she do it? “She told me, ‘my mother told me to give from where you are, with whatever you have,'” Pemberton said, adding she told him the books were ones her sons had finished reading.
Spelling champ
Pemberton’s passion for reading made him a great speller, but when he participated in a spelling bee in the fifth grade he got stage fright.
“I knew what I was supposed to do, but I froze and felt fear and embarrassment,” he recalled. “I looked around for a lifeline. One judge looks at me and smiles and looks toward the microphone.”
Pemberton spelled the word correctly and, every time he walked up to the microphone for another turn, he looked at the judge, all the way to victory.
The woman, who he later found was called Ruby in her community, was the director of Upward Bound, a college preparation program for high school students from low-income families, which he later enrolled in.
When Pemberton was 16 his social worker could not find a new foster home for him. “Out of desperation he asked, “do you know anybody you can stay with?”
Pemberton thought of John Sykes, his high school mentor, who became his third lighthouse.
“I said Mr. Sykes, because I overheard him say, ‘I don’t have any children, but if I did, I would want it to be someone like him,'” Pemberton said.
Sykes agreed to become Pemberton’s guardian and later helped him with the college application process, which allowed him to enroll at Boston College.
Pemberton recalled how social services officials thought it was impossible for him to break the family cycle of children becoming orphans.
“They got that wrong,” Pemberton said. “I am the last generation who tells that story. There will be no more of that.”
The room filled with applause.
Photos by Regina Madwed with Monroe guests:
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